How did it happen? When did I go from enjoying the simplicity of my salvation, to becoming a religious zealot? How did cultic ideology creep into my Christianity? How in the world did I succumb to using manipulative tactics, instead of relying on the Holy Spirit in my ministry? And the big question! HOW DID I BECOME A PHARISEE?
The answer to each of those questions is this: When I quit walking with Jesus.
I am not an expert in anything. I mean that. I have a college degree (in Pastoral Theology nonetheless), but in those four years of college I was merely introduced to a myriad of topics, ideas, and concepts. I have yet to master any of them. Over the years I have read a few good books, watched some great Christian videos, and browsed many websites. And yet in all of that “research” and accumulation of knowledge, I somehow managed to miss the most profound, as well as the most wonderful aspect of all the things that we should attain as Christians. One could probably describe that missing element in several different ways, but for me it is best put this way; WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT HIM.
For over a quarter of century I strove to live FOR God, but I am just now beginning to grasp what it means to live WITH Him. I gave my life to the ministry. I poured my heart into the churches I attempted to pastor. However, I never gave myself to Him. Living in my own power and initiative finally took its toll and there was a great fall; a “morale failure” as some kindly phrase it. When the dust settled there were many hurt people, a heartbroken family, and a dazed man left asking many questions; like the ones at the beginning of this entry.
Through it all God has proven Himself very faithful to me. When I least deserved His help He came to me. Everyday He shows me something, or introduces me to someone, or gives me some song, or speaks some truth into my life that causes me to just look up at Him and say, “YOU are truly marvelous!” He continues to bring me healing. He is in the process of restoring my family. And most recently He has allowed me to minister again, but this time with an entirely new motive and in a new way – His.
No, I am not an expert. I just want to capture what He is showing me and share it, and that is the purpose of this blog. It is my hope that the things that God is doing in my life may in turn help, or bless, or encourage you… or someone you know. I hope that my incredible children, and my grandchildren, and any of my wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ who want to, can look at these things and agree that God is good and merciful, and true and faithful. THEN I hope that He is rightfully praised and worshiped and adored.
John 15:5 I am the vine, you are the branches: He that abides in me, and I in him, the same bears much fruit:
….for apart from me you can do nothing.
davereborn 